Experiencing the pain of their parents’ divorce or the end of their committed relationship can be an extremely traumatic experience for a child. Especially challenging for the child is the reality that while they are in need of extra attention, stability, love, patience, understanding, and affection from the parent, the parents themselves are experiencing their own emotional challenge, therefore depleting their parenting resources at a time when they are needed the most.
Divorce is something most parents never imagine themselves experiencing and usually only research while in the midst of it, if at all. Many parents find themselves “winging it” through a divorce. How a parent conducts themself through and after divorce can not only cause or spare the children unnecessary pain and harm, but also sets the stage for the future family dynamic moving forward.
If you are currently experiencing divorce, you may be feeling at your absolute worst. Whether bitter, angry, sad, frightened, relieved, or excited, parents in the midst of divorce must still maintain some relationship in order to successfully co-parent their children. As the children themselves are also experiencing pain, sadness, anger, confusion, and uncertainty, they need peaceful, calm, and stable parents who can help them manage their own emotions during this time.
Individuals going through divorce are often dealing with a multitude of emotions. Sometimes divorce marks the end of years of struggle and growing distance between partners. Sometimes it is a sudden event precipitated by infidelity. Unless the marriage involved abuse of a parent or child, the children do not usually welcome the divorce no matter what the feelings of the parents. For this reason, it is especially important that the parents are able to put their own feelings aside, so that they can be a loving, supportive, calm presence in their children’s lives. As the children struggle with their own emotions, uncertainties, and confusions, they may show changes in their behavior, school performance, sleeping habits, eating habits, and use of media and electronics. Parents, often struggling with their own emotions, concerns, and changes in lifestyle, must nevertheless attempt to be a non-reactive model of resilience, stability, and peacefulness as they navigate their family through this challenge and into the new family reality.
As a Certified Parent Coach® with expertise in coaching through and after divorce I help parents be the stabilizing factor their children need through this challenging time. Working with me, a parent will learn how to maintain calmness and effectively and patiently parent their children through this process. By learning how to calm themself and stay nonreactive, a parent is a more stable and rational participant in the mediation or legal process of divorce. Through the coaching process, a parent will be able to learn how to put into place the factors that can help the family move on after divorce in a way that is healthiest for the children and serves the family best.
Whether you are headed toward divorce in the near future, in the midst of a divorce now, resettling after a recent divorce, or still trying to figure things out from a divorce that occurred years ago, I can help you still have the family life of your dreams!
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